I’ve heard that sometimes when parents are dissatisfied with something in their lives, they will actually try to correct their own deficiencies by imposing on their children. Interesting, because this morning my breakfast tasted a little off—pre-grinding the flax seeds was probably the mistake, so I imposed buttermilk pancakes on one of my children to make up for it. This is the younger one—have I mentioned him? Man is he grumpy in the morning, and, even by my liberal standards, too young for coffee or cigarettes. It worked, though. It was the first day in months he didn’t grouse theatrically about his options, even though on a given morning I might offer several choices, including, say, a bagel with a schmear, a warm homemade soft pretzel with butter from Vermont, a bowl of cereal of the kind I would have been allowed only when my parents were away on vacation, or a slice of goddamn leftover pizza.

Transition [editor, please finesse]: I’m a third child, but–I am always telling him—I can relate! I remember being grumpy too. For instance, I was grumpy when I got up a few minutes early to have a little peace and quiet before anyone else was up grumbling about why there were no croissants or bacon, and then I made myself a really nice breakfast, but it had this off, fishy flavor because, I think, of the flax seeds. So, birth order: I have two older siblings and they are twins. Who knows what that means in terms of their psychology, except what I can tell you, which is very little of course, because they can beat me up. I did read recently about the “pancake theory” of birth order, comparing first pancakes to first children. I guess the idea is that they are similarly goofy, greasy and misshapen. Wow, it sounds like some well-meaning parent was trying to make a third or fourth child feel good, the way my parents used to look at an A- and reassure me that I might still become, if not a computer scientist or an academic, maybe an artist. In a way, I think I am one. My first pancakes are often just as pretty as the others.